|
Editorial: The ‘how’ in dad dynamics
Op-Ed · June 15, 2017
The West Branch City Council, right after hiring Redmond Jones II as its newest city administrator, got to see his “Dad” side.
Through Skype, the Jones family in Florida appeared on the drop-down screen in the council chambers. Jones’ wife, Kim, sat on the couch, and two of his children ran around the living room. The picture was rough, the sound rougher. But it was a still a cool “Dad” moment for the 49-year-old.
Another great example of dad unfortunately resulted in tragic consequences. The Quad-City Times reports that on June 6, Malik A. Williams, 25, of Galesburg, Ill., despite not knowing how to swim, jumped into the Mississippi River and saved his 6-year-old son. Williams lost his life in the process.
Fathers Day is Sunday, and we want to honor those men who not only become fathers, but step up to the challenge to do the best they can. We applaud those men who know to first build a life on values and principles, rather than “101 Things to Do With Your Kids.” The former is a foundation, an internal understanding and discipline, while the latter is merely externals.
“When it comes to feeling loved, children have peculiar thoughts,” Dr. Meg Meeker, author of “Hero: Being the Strong Father Your Children Need,” writes. “They think that their mother has to love them but their father’s love is negotiable. Children desperately want a father’s love to feel more secure.”
It’s for a father’s love that children will act out, Meeker goes on to say, to see if that father will sacrifice money, time, hobbies and comfort in response.
That sort of perspective is quite eye-opening for many dads, but maybe not if we remember a few statistics. Massachusetts General Hospital’s The Fatherhood Project reports that children who feel close to dad are:
• Twice as likely to enter college or find stable work after graduating from high school
• 75 percent less likely to have children during their teen years
• 80 percent less likely to end up in jail
• 50 percent less likely to experience multiple symptoms of depression
We see a lot of dads getting involved in our community and schools, oftentimes bringing their children along. They coach teams, organize blood drives, build press boxes at the high school softball field, or mow the grass at the Legion ball field. They build and take down the stage for show choir, they teamed up to mow the reopened golf course.
Being dad is harder for some because they did not have a strong father figure themselves, according to the Fatherhood Project: “Fathers were rated as more involved with their infants when they were better educated, less depressed, more likely to use social support especially spiritual support, and more active in their religion.”
We all can list off things that make good fathers — help with homework, read to their children, take their family to church, help them learn sports, teach them how to fix things around the house — but Dr. Kyle Pruett says this list is missing one key factor: How they do it.
The author of “The Nurturing Father,” Pruett says children as young as eight weeks — yes, weeks — can tell the difference between how mothers and fathers interact with them. Fathers play differently, encourage children to take more risks (which builds confidence), communicate differently, discipline differently, prepare them for adulthood differently, handle difficulties differently, etc.
Sociologist David Popenoe notes that fathers are better than father figures: “Fathers are far more than just ‘second adults’ in the home,” he writes in “Life Without Father.” “Involved fathers — especially biological fathers — bring benefits to their children that no other person is likely to bring.”
So, dads, not only do you have skills, but you’ve got attributes and value of which you may not have been aware, even with all your imperfections.
Fatherhood is a worthy endeavor that involves a lot of work, but the payoff is fantastic. Have a great Fathers Day!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
